Pregnant Kunoichis are Devious
by Arhazivory
Summary: Set in ‘The Gift’ Universe. An inside look at what Neji described as Ten-Ten’s 'weird-ass pregnancy emotions’


TITLE: Pregnant Kunoichis are Devious

RATING: PG-13

Summary: Set in 'The Gift' Universe. An inside look on what Neji described as 'Ten-Ten's weird-ass pregnancy emotions'.

A/N: This has been in my mind ever since I mentioned it in 'The Gift' (check out that story if you've never read it). Neji might appear slightly OOC, based on his thoughts, but not too much. Muchas Thankas to JARE for beta-reading this

"Neji?"

_Okay, if I keep my eyes closed and my breathing even, she won't know I'm awake. I'm a shinobi and this is another obstacle that must be conquered._

"Neji, are you sleeping?"

_Of course I'm sleeping because my breathing is even, my eyes are closed and I'm Neji. I have mastered the art of showing no facial expressions_.

"Neji?!"

_Not even your shouts can awaken me. I am dead to consciousness. Dead to the world._

"Neji…"

_Strange, she's not saying anything else. I get the feeling she's going to try something, but if I activate my byakuugan, she'll know that I am awake. At all costs, I must maintain this pretence. _

"Nejiiiiiiii?"

_Oh shit! I'm asleep…although the cold edge of a kunai is pressed against my neck, I am still asleep. I will not falter. I will not be intimidated…Is that pain?! Is that the scent of my blood?!_

"Nejiiiii…."

_No…__I am certain that I am not feeling pain. It is only a figment of my imagination. It must be._

"I will slice off your neck Nee-ji!"

Hyuuga Neji's eyes flew open and met deep brown ones. He silently examined the anger that was directed at him, and fought to quell the slight, ever so slight, feeling of dread. He cleared his throat.

"Ten-Ten," he paused and lowered his eyes to the kunai that had not left his throat, "Are you trying to kill your husband?"

Ten-Ten sighed and removed the weapon, "Why were you pretending to be asleep?"

"…" _Obviously cause I didn't want to wake up._

"Neji?!"

"I was not!"

"Yes you were!"

"I can assure you…I was not!"

"Then why weren't you waking up?" her eyes challenged him.

"Because," he pushed himself up on one elbow and stared deeply at her, "I was deep within the confines of a wonderful dream, where the only person present was you."

She raised her eyebrows at him, and in response, he brought his hand to her jaw before continuing, "It was just us…in a world of pure imagination."

"Really?" She asked some-what dreamily.

"Most assuredly" was his emphatic reply. _Hn…she'll never know the truth. _

Ten-Ten smiled at him and lowered her mouth to his. Neji inwardly smirked at his genius; he now fully appreciated the 'genius' title that everyone had thrust on him. As their lips were about to connect, Ten-Ten's palm replaced her lips and she roughly shoved back his head. _Genius my ass, _he thought as he fell unto the pillow, _she looks like she's about to castrate me._

"Do I look stupid Neji?" She had gotten off the bed, placed her hands on her hips and levelled him with a murderous glare.

"…" _I will remain silent lest I say the wrong thing. This is obviously a question with no correct answer._

"Cause I would be if I couldn't tell if someone was sleeping!"

"You look very beautiful Ten-Ten," he said seriously, _and dangerous _his thoughts echoed, _which is why I'm avoiding your question by stating the obvious._

"Ugh!" She threw the kunai at him and pure reflex allowed him to deflect it with chakra before it got a chance to connect with his skull. Then she turned around swiftly and marched out of the room. He paused for only a moment before reluctantly following her to the kitchen. The time showed 2:35AM. _It's too damn early for this._

"Ten-Ten?" She was boiling water and for a moment he wondered if she would throw it on him. He watched in surprise as she threw honey in the pot.

"What?!"

"What are you doing?"

"Boiling water to throw on you."

"I see," he watched her expression but could not determine whether or not she was joking, "and the honey is for…"

"To make it stick _to_ you."

He swallowed a bit loudly and watched as the water began to slowly boil, "I see." _I see images of my death, nothing else. _

"Do you really?" She whirled around to face him.

"No?" _Or Yes? Who knows with women. _

"Ugh!" she turned back to her pot, "you don't even know!"

Neji sighed in defeat. Ever since they found out two months ago that Ten-Ten was pregnant, her emotions had fluctuated between, happy, lustful, miserable, scary and depressed. He was quite content with the first two, but the last three were making him crazy. He understood the nausea and the morning/afternoon/evening sickness but he didn't know how to act around his wife when she started having these weird-ass pregnancy emotions.

"I'm sorry," he said as he approached her and from behind, wrapped his arms around her midsection and rested his chin on her shoulder. Slowly he rubbed her abdomen, an action that had become a favourite past-time, and something she had grown to appreciate. _If this doesn't calm her, I don't know what will. _

"I'm sorry too." Ten-Ten knew that she couldn't be upset with him for too long, "Why were you ignoring me earlier though?"

"I knew what you were going to ask."

"Then please do it Neji."

"No Ten-Ten," he watched as she disengaged herself from his embrace and crossed her arms across her chest.

"I'll cut it off then."

He searched her eyes to determine if she was serious, he certainly hadn't expected her to come out with that, "You can't be serious."

"Of course I am," she waved her hand dismissively, "you can wear it like Naruto does."

"Hell no!"

"It's just hair!"

His eyes widened at her preposterous statement, "Hyuugas do not…"

"I know, I know," She straightened her back and put on a stoic expression while mimicking his voice, "Hyuugas do not cut their hair, with the exception of the females"

"Last week you said you loved my hair." _As you ran your fingers through it while we…_

"That was last week," she grinned at him and the sudden change in expression threw him off, "this week I hate it."

"Two days ago you asked me to wear a hat." _Preposterous of course, what Hyuuga wears a hat?...NONE!_

"And you said no."

"And you said 'that's fine then.'"

"And it was," Ten-Ten wailed, "but now every time it touches me when I sleep, I get a mental image of cockroaches."

"Cockroaches," Neji took an unsteady step backwards in shock, "my hair reminds you of cockroaches?" _I hope this is a nightmare! I hope this is a nightmare! __Please be a nightmare!_

"Yes," she turned off the now boiling water, "cockroaches and Shino."

"…" _My Hyuuga hair reminds her of…_even his thoughts were silenced.

"Ugh!" she shuddered in disgust, "I hate cockroaches."

"I thought you were going to ask me to wear the hat again, but this…this…this is ridiculous Ten-Ten!" His arms opened in a gesture of despair.

"Fine then, wear the hat."

"What?!" _This is a nightmare. Yes, that's what it is…definitely a nightmare. _

"Neji my sweet," she approached him slowly with a soft smile, "It's either the hat or your hair."

He slowly considered his options, "What if I choose neither?"

She looked at him quizzically, "Um…excuse me…you do plan to father other heirs, do you not?"

"I'll take the hat!" _Oh…how the mighty have fallen._

She squealed loudly and clapped victoriously before darting out of the kitchen. Neji watched the spot where she was only moments before. _Did she just trick me into sleeping with a hat on?_

She returned moments later and Neji felt his world spin out of control. His beloved wife held a black and white hat in her hands. The top of which resembled the two eyes of an animal whose two teeth were sticking out of the bottom section. Some might describe this strange animal as being cute; however Neji, was instantly repulsed. He recognized the evil thing as something Naruto wore as a child, wore as a teenager and disturbingly enough, still wore as an adult.

"No."

Ten-Ten looked at him and nodded her head.

"No," he stated with more authority. _A man must exert his authority in order to preserve his dignity!_

"You know," his wife started twirling the hat with her index finger while watching the motion, "Hinata told me that Naruto still wears a hat like this."

"He is still a child."

She giggled, actually _giggled_ at him, "No…he's the Rokudaime."

"Anyone who wears that ridiculous thing has not yet accepted adulthood."

"But he only wears it because Hinata-_sama_ asks him to."

Neji's curiosity peaked, "Oh?"

"Ye-es," Ten-Ten stopped her twirling and looked at her husband seductively. "Apparently, she's not able to resist him when he's wearing this 'silly' hat."

Neji furrowed his brow at her, "That's…disturbing."

Ten-Ten giggled again. _What the hell?! _Neji thought, _Ino giggles, not Ten-Ten._ His thoughts were interrupted by his wife suddenly appearing behind him. She lightly passed her finger across his neck causing tingly sensations to shoot up and down his spine. _You are strong Neji, you can resist_, he encouraged himself.

He felt her hot breath on his ears as she whispered, "It might be, but I would really like to see if it works."

_Hn…I am not weak. I will resist. She will not make me wear that ridiculous…oh shit, what is she doing to my neck? I will not…I am…I am…am I an am I am I…? _His thoughts became jumbled as Ten-Ten's feather like kisses slowly connected with the surface-area of his neck. Then her hands were suddenly beneath his shirt and he closed his eyes as her fingers danced up and down his back. He turned his head and attempted to rescue his neck and allow his lips to become her victim instead. Her lips almost met his, before she was pulling away again. He blinked in surprise as she held up the hat to him. All traces of passion had left her. _Did I marry the devil? _

"If you don't want to become friends with the cold shower," Ten-Ten said sweetly, "I'd suggest you wear the hat."

Neji was still dazed. He looked at the hat and then at Ten-Ten. Her white nightgown was short, marginally thin and showed all the curves he fell in love with. He looked at the hat and then at her face. Her buns were non-existent, and her hair fell freely past her shoulders in light waves, just the way he liked it. He looked at the hat and then at her eyes. Her deep brown eyes were serious and for the umpteenth time, they reminded him if why he fell in love. _Damn her!_

"Give me the hat," he slowly extended his hand, "and then give me you."

She smiled widely, still clutching the hat, "This is great! Now I don't have to worry about cockroaches."

Neji didn't give a damn about cockroaches, his mind was pre-occupied with one thing only and that was…

"…ramen."

"Huh?" he asked in confusion.

"I boiled the water and then I realized that we ran out of cup ramen," She looked despondent and Neji seriously wondered if he was missing something.

"Eat something else." _Like my lips. _

She glared at him, "No."

"Why do you want anything to eat?" he asked in confusion, "I thought we were going to…"

"To what?"

"Well you got me to agree to wear the hat, so I figured that…" _we'd make mad passionate love until morning_; his thoughts were left unspoken.

"Yes," she smiled again, "and now I can sleep without feeling your hair on my skin."

All passion went with the Konoha wind, and Neji felt like he was in a nightmare again. _All of that was so I could wear the ridiculous hat? _

"Now run by Naruto my darling and get some ramen."

"At 3 AM?!" he asked incredulously.

She smiled at him again, and took out a shuriken from God knows where. "I'd like you to get some ramen from Naruto please."

"…" _Females be damned!_

"Get 5 cups!" she shouted after him as he slipped on his sandals and headed for the door. She smiled to herself in triumph.

About five minutes later Neji had stormed into Naruto's home, complained about Ten-Ten's weird ass pregnancy emotions, his lack of 'enjoyment', why Naruto had hidden a box of ramen from his wife and why it is that he can't be sent out on a 6 month mission.

Naruto just stared at him sleepily, "You're on your own man."

Neji glared at him before leaving with the 5 boxes of different flavoured ramen. He entered his kitchen and was surprised to find it empty.

"Ten-Ten?" he called out. When there was no response, he walked to the bedroom and was surprised to see his wife fast asleep in bed. The stupid hat was on his pillow and its face looked to be laughing at him.

"Hn," he pointed at the hat, "You just wait till you're married. Then we'll see who laughs when you realize that she owns you."

He grudgingly picked up the hat, stuffed his hair under it and climbed into bed. _Please Kami-sama, don't let anyone find out about this! And please, let Ten-Ten go back to normal before she forces me to wear something else that's strange. Like yellow! Oh shit! Please don't let her make me wear yellow. _

_Please don't let her make me wear yellow. _

_Please don't let her make me wear yellow. _

_Please don't let her make me wear…_His silent prayer was soon overtaken by sleep. His wife opened one sleepy eye and stared at her husband's face.

"Hinata was right," she muttered sleepily, "he looks _adorable_."

**THE END**

A/N: Well that's it. I enjoyed writing it and hope you enjoyed reading it. Please review and let me know your thoughts. Could anyone pick up the One Tree Hill reference in this story (lol)?


End file.
